Dental Jokes

Jokes Related to Dentistry

(Warning! Some corny, dirty and offensive jokes below)

Top Ten Signs You Need to Change Dentists:

10: Directions to the office include: "Turn Onto The Dirt Road." 

9: Your dentist is wearing a pair of pants you gave to the Salvation Army last month. 

8: Your dentist giggles uncontrollably whenever he hears the words "That Hurts!" 

7: All the front keys on your dentist's personal computer are rotted out. 

6: Dental diploma appears to be a warranty from "Black and Decker." 

5: Number #1 on the patient questionnaire is: "Have you ever pressed charges?" 

4: When giving nitrous the patient is assured, "Don't Worry, I Just Tried Some Myself." 

3: When giving a local injection you hear: "Gosh, let's all do a shot!" 

2: Your Christmas bonus includes a free subscription to "Living Cheap Magazine." 

1: Your retirement plan includes a free seed catalog and instructions on how to grow your own food. 

1.

Dentist begging the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams? 

Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time. 

Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock golf game

2. 

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?

Dentist: $90.00.

Patient: $90.00 for just a few minutes work???

Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.

3. 

Q: What does an orthodontist do on a roller coaster?

    A: He braces himself....

4.  

A dentist friend of mine had a T-shirt which said on the front: 

"Let me put my tool in your mouth"

and on the back: 

"...and I will fill your cavity."

5. 

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves...

"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"

She said, "No?"

"Well," he spoofed, "Down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. 

Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! 

Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."

But she didn't laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he suddenly had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.

The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!" 






6.
 One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. 

The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." 

The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. 

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: 

"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"









7. Next time the dentist asks you to "Open Wide",
ask whether he's talking about your mouth, or your wallet.

8. 

What is the difference between a dentist and a New York baseball fan?
One yanks for the roots; the other roots for the Yanks. 

9. 

Q: What's the difference between a dentist and a sadist?

A: A dentist has newer magzines.

10. 

A Cork board at a dentist's office is covered with letters and drawings by his younger patients. One patient decided to write a note of his own. A few days later, right smack in the middle of the drawings and letters, this note done in green crayon appeared:

"Dear Dr. Perr,

Thank you for taking such good care of my teeth. I am already 63 years old and, thanks to you, still have three of my own left. 
I luv you,

Morton "

11.  

The Cohens were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Cohen
made it clear he was in a big hurry.

"No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, 

"No gas or needles or any
of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with."

"I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the
dentist admiringly. 

"Now, which tooth is it?"
Mr. Cohen turned to his wife Becky. "Show him, honey."

12. 

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, 

"I forgot my teeth."

The man said, "No problem." 

With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said. 

The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. 

The man then said, "I have another pair. . .try these." 

The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." 

The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of false teeth. . .try them." 

The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." 

With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. 

"I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." 

The man replied, 

"I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."  

13. 
A carpenter, an electrician, and a dentist had a mutual friend
who was getting married and each was determined to play a
practical joke on the newlyweds.

The electrician decided to wire up the marriage bed so that when
the two bodies touched, they got an electrical shock. 

The carpenter planned to saw partly through the bed frame so that it
would collapse when the shocked newlyweds jumped apart.

As the wedding approached, the dentist was still scratching his
head and trying to come up with something.

After the honeymoon, the new husband confronted his three friends
and said, "I didn't mind to much when we got zapped, and we both
had a good laugh when the bed fell down.

But who the hell put Novocaine in the Vaseline!?"



14.  
A man picks up a girl in a party. They proceed to her place and
things are starting to heat up. He takes his shirt off and washes
his hands. He takes his pants off and washes hands again.

So the girl tells him: "I bet you're a dentist."

Surprised he says: "that's correct, how did you know?"

"You washed your hands a few times, so I figured you're used to
it." 

They go on and they have sex.

Then she says: "You know what? I'm willing to bet you're a very
good dentist."

"How can you tell?" he asks.

"I didn't feel a thing..."

15. 
A woman goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his balls. 


The shocked, but still maintaining his composure, the dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates." 


The woman replies, "Yes. We're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."






16.   
A man goes to the dentist and finds out he needs a tooth pulled. 


Dentist: "Don't worry, I'll give you a shot and you won't feel a thing". 
Man: "Oh no, I can't have a shot, I'm terrified of shots." 


Dentist: "Okay, that's fine, I can give you some laughing gas and you won't feel a thing". 
Man: "I can't have laughing gas, it makes me sick." 


The dentist said he'd be right back and he left the room. He came back in and handed the man a pill. 


Man:"What's this?" 
Dentist:"Viagra".
Man: "Is that going to numb my tooth?" 
Dentist:"No, but it will give you something to hold onto while I pull out your tooth!"





17. 
One day a miserable toothbrush sits down and says, ''Sometimes I feel I have the worst job in the world.'' 
Then the toilet paper yells, "Think again buddy!" 






18. 
Two men are talking.
Man 1: Do you know which profession I think is the most respectable?
Man 2: CEO of a company? The president of a country? 

Man 1: Nope, a dentist.
Man 2: Why a dentist?

Man 1: Because he can tell a woman when to open and shut her mouth






19. 
Things a dentist should never say around patients:

"Oops!"


"I think there is a gas leak"


Dentist opens a drawer of tools looks at one in particular and mutters under his breathe, "What does this do?"

20.
Q: What award did the dentist of the year get?

A: A little plaque!

21. 
Negotiating with Your Dentist in a Business-like Manner





22. 
"Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient. 
"Good God !" he said startled. 
"You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen." 
"OK Doc!" replied the patient. 
"I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice." 
"I didn't!" said the dentist. "That was the echo."


23. 
http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Kris/dentist.png







24. 
What do you call a tooth in a liter of water?

A one molar solution. 


25. 

Audio clip from the Hangover.



26.
The ultimate revenge?? What one dentist did to her recent ex-boyfriend.

27.
Wouldn't it be funny if this appeared on the PAT section of your DAT??
ou

Kudos to this thread on SDN for many of the jokes and sites like nursinghumor.com, http://www.best-funny-jokes.com, and dentalindia.com